Changing. Beating. Breaking.

burning.breaking

My heart is beating. Pounding. Breaking. Shattering the ice,
That incased it, soothed it, tamed it. Taught it to play nice.
My heart is thundering, breaking free of apathy’s cold hands,
And rising with a furious passion, to claim its own demands.

My heart is kind, strong and willing, but it’s a rebel heart all the same.
Unyielding to those things that laugh, and suggest it’s just game.
Getting lost in your own thoughts, a labyrinth of false truths,
That threaten, pet and snare the hearts of old men and fiery youths.

Angry now, this gentle heart, unpredictable and wild,
Seeing pain in too many eyes, seeing as a child.
Beating. Breaking. Too much taking, in this world we own,
Rebellious, vicious, cold, malicious, are these what we condone?

Beating colder. Getting older. Time likes to sooth with ice.
Hide the pain, in the mundane, and all that will suffice.
I may not have the strength to fix all that I see wrong,
I may not have the voice to drown out such an aching song.

I may not have the power to change the world … but then again,
The world can and will see change if we change the hearts of men.
So before I let apathy take hold. soothing, lying, taking,
I’ll reach deep and let the fire ignite. Changing. Beating. Breaking.

 

 

Heartbeat

Heartbeat. Steady. Strong. Assured.
Beating. Rhythmic and unheard.
Heartbeat, filled with optimism,
Spreading brightness like a prism.

Life is full of rise and falls.
Chance it. Try it. Risk it all.
Thrill is found in overcoming,
Excitement in a heart that’s drumming.

Heartbeat. The heart breaks and heals,
And learns of wisdom. Learns what’s real.
Values, treasures, love’s warmth and life,
Giving, overcoming strife.

Will you give or will you take?
Life and love. Heal and break.
Heartbeat. Steady up and down.
The beeping, beating has been found.

Someone thought they had a right,
To stop the rise and fall tonight.
Heartbeat, optimistic still,
Even as they see and choose to kill.

Never, now, to rise and fall.
To love. To give. To risk it all.
Little heartbeat no longer shines.
Computer reads a single line.

How can their own hearts not break?
When they, having life, another’s take?
Sweet baby now they’ll never meet.
They took his chance. His small heartbeat.

Dancing Away

I stare at blank paper. I’m waiting. I’m thinking.
The little line there, waiting and blinking.
I listen for the whispers to come.
Don’t think. Just write. Relax and circum.

Words on paper. Lovely little words,
More for my delight than to be heard.
Curling and laughing around little thoughts,
The words love to play and they love to be caught.

Writing and reading. Sipping coffee. I’m pleased.
Watching words tangle. They spin and they tease.
No topic, no purpose other than to play,
The words keep on whispering and dancing away.

Eternal Youth

Mortal people. Secrets. Lies.
Broken souls and silent cries.
Weaving webs and crossing lines,
Loosing site of what defines.

So far lost from what is pure,
They think it only myth for sure.
So far gone from love and trust,
Thinking they must be memories, just.

Mortal people. Bitter. Broken.
Given these, a worthless token,
By a world, desperate for peace,
But loves to war and will not cease.

So far lost from clarity.
So blind from pain they cannot see.
For love and peace, forgiveness, truth,
Are not just things coupled with youth.

They stay with those who fight and war,
Not against others. They’re fighting for,
And against themselves, they will win,
Keeping values locked within.

Youth is more than length of days,
A moments glory. A second’s praise.
It can be kept. It keeps on giving.
It is a light of truth and living.

Other people. Bitter. Cold.
Choosing to be blind and old,
Rather than to fight for truth,
And life and love…eternal youth.

 

A Promise to My Little One

Dear Little One,

I’ve already chosen your name.
You’re already so deep in my heart.
I think of you with secret thoughts,
Even though we are so far apart.

You see, I can’t yet feel your gentle heartbeat.
I can’t glow with pride for you.
Because you’ve not yet been given to me,
And I’ve not yet been given to you.

But don’t misunderstand, my Little One.
I love you more than you could know.
And hope for the day when I touch your hand,
Is reason enough for me to glow.

There are so many things, my dear small one,
So much beauty and lessons to share.
I want to whisper secrets of strength to you,
To inspire, to guide and prepare.

I can’t promise the world will be kind,
Or that you’ll never experience pain.
But I promise that I’ll be right there,
To comfort, to love and explain.

I can’t say that this life will be easy,
But I promise I’ll be here to guide you,
So you can stand tall in this crazy world,
With my guidance and love deep inside you.

Little one, I promise I’ll protect you,
And to make you the best you can be,
For you are not just a fond wish,
You are my little one, the best part of me.

Beautiful Moments

A fiery sunset, laughter  with a friend, a kiss in the rain…
Nothing lasts long in this world that we live in,
So take advantage of every little beautiful moment before it slips away…
And when it slips away and you feel cheated, empty, alone…

Don’t be selfish.  Let it go even if it breaks your heart.
Because you’re not the only one who needs beautiful moments to survive…
Just be glad you got the short, heart- warming time,
With your special, beautiful moment.

Winter’s Secret Beauty

Lovely little blue birds, swift and smooth in flight.
Tiny blue/brown wings, contrasting winter’s white.
Chubby little faces, fluffed up against the cold.
How I love theirs sweet songs, bright and clear and bold.

Lovely little blue birds, I’m glad you chose to stay,
And that the mocking winter has not driven you away.
Each season has it’s secret beauties, so easily unseen,
And you are winter’s secret, a lovely little queen.

Such wonder, those sweet blue birds, I watch them taking flight,
They gracefully overcome the cold of winter’s starry night.
I’ll remember to be cheerful. To sing and fly carefree.
Surviving all my winters with the grace the birds taught me.

 

Tonight I am Free

Sitting in a Starbucks, under the soft sounds of Jazz music and the smell of coffee wafting all around me, I sigh and open my laptop, skimming over the stack of emails from clients before looking mournfully at my website. Thinking to myself, for once, pleasure before business. I place my hands on the keys and start to write.

My husband and I are moving soon, to Fresno, California for a job. It’s funny how every time you move, aside from the usually packing and prepping, you always want to make sure you leave the people you love with no regrets. Spend time, have long talks and strengthen each relationship because it may be quite a while before you see them all again.

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed sometimes with work and family and every side project under the sun vying for your attention…but it’s not hard to decide what’s important when you pause for a moment and let your heart remember what it loves most. For me, that’s my family. All else is second.

Music continues to play, dancing around on various instruments and bringing a smile to my face. I do dread moving and all that hassle, but tonight I am free. Tonight I am at peace and typing away on my little laptop in a little coffee shop.

 

 

 

June’s Romance

The sky is black as the ocean’s heart,
Yet a flash of light rejects defeat.
Not brought on by the clouds and rain,
He flashes for the heat.

The summer smiles a half-moon smile,
While the fireflies slowly dance.
Twirling, flickering, while crickets play,
Sweet tunes of June’s romance.

The brooks and streams have slowed their pace,
Relaxed and singing quiet songs.
The stars begin to wake up now,
Emerging in excited throngs.

A flash of light appears again,
How he does love to dance,
With streams, and stars and fireflies,
And sweet tunes of June’s romance.

Breaking Down Walls

There is too little air…this air that I’m breathing.
My pent up distress. Inside I am seething.
Angry at weakness. Empowered by anger.
Reckless in power. Sensing the danger.

Worn out and weary. Distressed just the same.
For all of my fighting, no answers to claim.
Angry at weakness. Resigned to be still.
Seething in silence…breaking my own will.

Sledge hammer in hand, I break down the walls.
Crying and hurting…watching them fall.
The rooms here are empty. It’s only me here.
Angry at nothing, but at my own fear.

My weakness, my failure, the goals that I set,
I missed. I tried. I drown in regret.
I splash coats of paint. Can’t cover the words.
My reservations and composure fly off like birds.

I sit on the ground, breathing and listening.
I look out the window, the stars…calmly glistening.
It’s sweet now, the air. The air that I’m breathing.
Gone are the walls, the fear and the seething.

I’m only broken by my own expectations.
Unwilling to weaken. Must break reservations.
Empowered by silence, and focus, and air.
Calm, restless spirit, and find your repair.

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